Though YNM lists are common for kink/BDSM and sexual play they can also be used in a variety of ways throughout a relationship. There are a lot of different reasons why something may be in the maybe section and learning more about the reasons can help you and your partner better understand yourselves, your desires, and your relationship. roleplaying and costumes can happen on Halloween when you’re already in that headspace) or after discussing at length. no anal until you’re in a committed relationship or married), on a specific occasion (e.g. One condition may be that in order for it to be a yes it would have to be after a specific milestone (e.g. Maybe: Talk about what conditions or parameters need to be in place for a maybe to become a yes. NO: Talk about each no, and listen to your partner's no list to build more intimacy and better understand each other. YES: Consider if there is anything specific about a yes that excited you or your partner. Create a fun environment with your favorite music, fun lighting, something to snack on while creating the list, new journals or decorative poster board, whatever gets you excited about an activity.įor each section, you should discuss the items you (and your partner) have written down. You can plan a whole evening around creating your YNM lists together. YNM lists are a great option for starting a conversation with a partner because they can be used as an activity to open the conversation. How they can help facilitate the conversation with a partner Keeping it on your phone allows for quick access to your list, especially if you are in a different location when the conversation around sexual activities and what you are interested in or okay with comes up with a partner. If you are more technological then you can create a YNM list on your phone and refer back to it every time a new sexual activity pops into your head. There is no rush in the creation of your list, especially since you probably won’t be able to think of every single sexual activity in one sitting. Start writing out everything that pops into your mind. You are going to label each column: the first column is yes, the second column is no, and the third column is maybe. You can create a YNM list by getting a notebook or piece of paper and creating three columns. It also has become popular in relationships where one partner may be kinkier than another to find common ground as the less experienced partner gets their toes wet and starts to experience the world of kink and BDSM. Since becoming more mainstream YNM lists have been used as a starting point in terms of the consent conversation. BDSM/kinksters would use YNM lists to establish hard and soft limits in terms of play and have a starting point when designing scenes to engage in. Over the years they have grown in popularity to be more mainstream. YNM lists started as a BDSM-kink practice for negotiating play between partners. Yes/No/Maybe (YNM) lists are breakdowns of sexual activities, interests, positions, etc., that you would be interested in doing, don’t want to do at all, or most definitely want to make happen in the bedroom. A great way to address this topic in a relationship is by using a Yes/No/Maybe list. When you start playing with someone new or enter into a relationship, it can be overwhelming thinking about what you are want to do with them or what they may not be interested in doing with you. We all have different interests sexually and ideas of things that don’t wet our whistle when it comes to sexual play and activities. Utilizing a Yes/No/Maybe list with your partner can help you both talk openly and honestly about what you like, what you don't like, or what you are curious about trying. Our sexual preferences and needs can evolve over time.
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